2 years & 9 months ago I was in a 2 year battle with PPD, which was amplified from a miscarriage 6 months earlier, which were still trying to pay the medical bills for. This had snowballed in to the lowest moments of my life & of our marriage. There were a whole lot of uncertanties, but one thing was for sure, we were done having babies. I was 39 & the last thing I needed was to be having a baby at 40 years old with all that we had going on. When I took that test & it was positive, I felt sick to my stomach. After having to try so hard to get pregnant with my other two, I felt guilty for not wanting this pregnancy. I did not want another baby. I already felt defeated & did not think there was any possible way I could parent another child.
I sat on the bathroom floor staring at that test. I remembered what my Dad had told me a few months earlier. He said that when he was a young Dad with 4 kids trying to make a living doing concrete, he could not do it anymore. He said "God, this is too big of job for me. You're going to have to take over." and God did. God had always taken care of us. As I sat on that floor crying & praying I was able to find peace in knowing Gods plan is always right.
God knew exactly what he was doing when he made this beautiful boy & we couldn't imagine life without him. He was the perfect last piece to our puzzle. The blessings have flowed since this day when I finally gave it all to God & stopped trying to keep it all on my shoulders. My mental health is back to normal, our marriage is better than ever, my Husband got a new job with better insurance & we are more financially stable & he can be home with us more. The most important thing that has changed is my view of it all. My life is far from perfect, but it's so good when you step back & look at the blessings over the stresses. You can view life as hopeless or you can view it as God has a plan for you that will always turn out the way it should.
***Gasp*** Why is Mandy sharing this? How could she admit these things? If I can help one woman know she's not alone when she's pregnant & feeling helpless then it's worth it.
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